7 reasons you haven’t met the right person – and 7 shifts that will help!
I often meet people who have wanted to meet someone special for years but it’s just not happening. It’s not that something is ‘wrong’ with them. Some share they do feel like there is, even though they logically know that it’s not true. Very challenging previous experiences and disappointments in love can make dating feel like something to pop on the to-do list, rather than something to get excited and curious about for your next manifesting journey!
It could be…
If you just haven’t met the right person yet, it could be because you are not fully aligned to what you want energetically, which stops you being proactive enough.
The good news!
The good news is that you can shift your energy absolutely and step into aligned proactive action to help you meet more people you resonate with! Let’s cover 7 common reasons I have noticed when people are not meeting the right person and the 7 shifts that can help get much more exciting results!
1. ‘It will happen if it's meant to be’ trap -
Allowing for divine timing, and what is meant to be, works for some! However for many, it just doesn’t.
The shift – 100% commitment:
What increase in serendipitous meetings will we see when we show 100% commitment by being fully proactive, practically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually? The law of attraction, or manifestation, works much better when we’re committed and do the actions help get us there.
Being proactive in the right way, in a very mindful way can help. This blog covers mindful mingling - https://www.welcomelastinglove.com/blog/5-mindful-mingling-tips
The same concepts are applied to mindful dating and can support you to get the results you want in love. The shift that will turn around your results is being proactive in an aligned way.
2. ‘Hussle energy’ trap –
Other people excel at being very proactive, they feel they have tried everything – creating life out of design, rather than out of default is potent, but what if it’s just too much hustling?
The shift – aligned proactivity:
Even if you have been proactive – maybe you could double those efforts and do them with a more aligned and potent approach. Being more aligned in yourself and with your love goals means are you going to use your intuition when you engage with apps, with people and with everything! The suggestions you make as to where to meet and what to do will be different, as will the questions you ask people you are getting to know and how you interact on dates!
Both approaches have great benefits, but balance of the two is what I recommend, rather than being in too much hustle energy or too much in surrender energy. Divine timing and destiny can co-exist together with creating our lives consciously, where our actions change the blueprint of what was meant to be in our lives.
3. Logic overriding intuition -
I’ve done a fair bit of Couchsurfing in my life. CS is an organisation to stay with people that you don’t know and visa versa. Naturally, we read all of the profile reviews, and use our intuition about our own safety. When Yasu and I went to Saint Petersburg in Russia, logically, I wanted to be close to the centre of the city to see the sights. My intuition was saying to stay with some people who were a little out of town but my logical brain would not be quiet.
So, we stayed with a lovely looking young woman near the middle of town. It was bad from the beginning – she was cranky that we were there. Couch surfing is similar to online dating because you meet strangers from the Internet – and hopefully you’ll create a long lifelong connection. From the moment we stayed with her till the moment we left, it was unpleasant. For some reason she thought I could speak Spanish because of how I look!
If I had followed my intuition, we would’ve stayed a little on the outskirts, possibly made some connections with locals that were really meaningful and completely changed our experience of the whole trip! My memories of being St Petersburg are not super happy. What lessons can we glean from this story when it comes to love and dating? Not that challenges I have been through in love were my fault, but I certainly could have had some different experiences as a young woman if I had listening to my intuition more.
The shift – Intuition is your guide and logic helps keep you safe:
Consider the online example of when you first meet someone, how can pairing intuition and logic support you?
4. Collecting evidence that proves what you don’t want -
I recommend people listen to the work of Alison Armstrong because she has a lot of good thinking and information in the area of love and understanding men and women. She says that sometimes women are frog farmers – meaning that they are looking for, expecting and therefore experiencing very challenging behaviour in the men they connect with. The more we do this, the more of that experience we have, confirming that out beliefs we hold that keep us stuck for example ‘all men are assholes’ gets confirmed.
The shift – expect that someone amazing will show up:
Expect the best in people while keeping the vision of what you truly do want. This doesn’t mean that we spend time with people that whose values, qualities and lifestyle choices are just at complete odds to our own. We do need to intend and manifest what we actually want in our lives.
5. Unconsciously repeating old patterns that keep you stuck -
When you buy a car, or go on holiday do you spend hours pouring over brochures and researching to work out what you want? Imagine if people put the same dedication into finding their life partner!
The shift - Dedicated real world action and inner work:
Put the time aside in your calendar - how many hours per week do you want to dedicate to this? How important is this to you? If you’ve decided to dedicate four hours per week to attracting your lasting love partner, during that time, you might choose to go on a dating app, you might choose to go to other social events and put your feelers out for new friendships and connections. You may choose to see a coach and do some work around what you want to attract and release some mindset and energetic blocks that are in your way.
I mention scheduling inner work often, because it’s absolutely essential. I see the benefits in my own life so clearly. When I do regular inner work, everything gets better - my relationships with myself and family and with life generally. I feel more flow and creativity in my business.
How can you deepen in what you’re doing already? Just say you’re an amazing journal writer – you may even have been doing the morning pages from the book, The Artist’s Way. (Another book I have but I haven’t read yet - everybody keeps saying how amazing it is, I really do want to read it and start that process). Some people may already be really good at reflection and journaling. Perhaps your next step is to really go through things with another human being that can see things from the birds eye view - especially someone that can help clear out any blocks in your subconscious mind stopping you from moving forward.
Do you want to deepen the amount and quality of inner work you choose to do? What is yur choice from now, to increase by 20%, 50%? Whatever amount feels both exciting and doable is the right number to choose for you.
6. ‘Marrying’ ppl at first sight -
Of course you don’t marry people the first time you see them! But is a tiny part of your brain already seeing you having a lazy Sunday together if there’s some interest there?
The shift - play the field:
I do not mean two timing by telling somebody that you’re exclusively seeing them, while also seeing other people at the same time. What I mean is getting to know several people at once. Sometimes, us women have this thought that we are exclusively seeing someone even when we’ve only been on a couple of dates with them. When you are already planning out middle names – it’s time to chill out! Of course it’s a massive stereotype, not all women think in this way but I know I did when I was single!
Hold your new connections lightly and meet loads of new people. If you have a strong connection with someone, that doesn’t mean you are instantly only with them. Be honest about it – healthy relationships start with honesty.
How many people could you possibly get to know this week, or this month? What situations, what connections and conversations can you foster? Even when it comes to your social life, tune into your friendships – how deep to these feel? How expansive does your social calendar social life feel? Does it feels contracted or is there lack in some way? Having solid friendships can take away some of the pressure from the relationship you are attracting because if we try to get all of our needs met through just the one person it puts pressure that nobody needs on your budding connection.
7. Accidental ‘closed for business’ signals -
I do this in friendships sometimes. At school pick up I often feel like I am the one rushing off to an appointment or something and I think I accidentally give off the vibes that I don’t have time to make friends.
Do you have the dating equivalent going on?
The shift – let yourself be seen:
Try holding eye contact very briefly as you pass ppl in the street. Challenge yourself to stop and chat for slightly longer than feels comfy at social events, this builds your open vibe profile – try it!
I’m so excited for you that you that you are choosing to shift how you do things when it comes to attracting your Love. I know that mindful dating and being proactive works! follow me on socials for more tips and ideas around attracting love. Here is my Instagram handle. https://www.instagram.com/shannon.ichikawa/
I cannot wait to see your love light shine and remember, invite me to the wedding!