3 Steps towards Closure
Closure - a feeling of satisfied completion when something ends. Relationships, friendships, jobs - even projects. We can’t always get closure in person with the people involved – which can be so unsatisfying and painful! It’s not a light-hearted topic but it is one of those situations in life where Jagger singing ‘I can’t get no satisfaction’ is really up there in how resonant it feels!
Closure from our romantic relationships is so important to help us move forward to the future, and to manifesting the partner we truly want! One of the most important factors for someone to be able to create what they truly want in life is to clear the past and getting closure is an essential part of that.
I was talking to someone today who referred to their ex best friend – it sounds harsh saying that about a friend, but things do actually come to an end. Even friendships. It’s often presumed in our culture that with romantic relationships, we won’t continue seeing our ex beloved in person. And with that also comes a feeling of incompleteness. Of course, it’s not always the case. I love how there are people in our world who work in the area of conscious uncoupling. If you are interested in this, please go check out Katherine Woodward Thomas at her website here - https://www.consciousuncoupling.com/
What can we do to deal with these feelings and get some closure? What is the impact of doing so, and also that of choosing not to? I know that clearing some of the patterns and toxic energies that have come before help us make different choices for our future. I know from firsthand experience because I used to choose people with very toxic patterns, and then started to choose people who were having a much easier and more positive life – yay to that!
Content warning: if you have been in domestic violence or extremely toxic situations, it’s best to start with professional therapy.
What is closure? The dictionary definition of the form of closure I am talking about is ‘an often comforting or satisfying sense of finality’. But when relationships end, and especially when they end badly, it’s often the case that we do not feel a sense of closure – and we need to take action in order to feel it within ourselves rather than have any sort of closure with the other party.
When you follow the three steps I’m outlining today, you can get a sense of closure. It may not be complete closure, but even partial closure can make the world of difference to how you feel in the present moment. How you currently feel has a direct effect on your vibe, or energy - which influences your results going forward. You can follow those steps without the person in front of you – it is great if you can get some form of closure with the person – but it’s not necessary at all.
1. Energetic closure through cleansing and release
The power of a cleansing ritual has to be experienced to be felt. Not only does the ritual itself hold power to clear what’s been before, the actual substances used have cleansing properties in them. Smudging or the smoke from sage, rosemary and in Australia from eucalyptus feels amazing at the end of any profound life experience and especially when we say goodbye.
I was so excited when I manifested a new place for my family and myself to live because one of the things I wanted and actively manifested was very open-minded neighbours. As I was smudging my home and myself one day, I asked the neighbours on both sides of the house if they would like to come – both of them put their hand up and said yes! That’s my idea of open-minded neighbours!
Water is also very cleansing. If you live near natural water – the ocean, a stream or river, you can intentionally go in the water with the express purpose of cleansing the energy of what has gone before. When I do that, I feel a sense of newness and renewed energy! Give it a try if you need relationship closure. Cold showers also help cleanse energy – brrr but effective! I’d love to hear how you feel after trying it. Send me an email and tell me your experience at shannon@welcomelastinglove.com.
2. Self-reflection and mindfulness
What I mean by self -reflection is doing inner work with yourself as your guide. This can come in the form of journaling, pondering, taking your inquiry into your daily walk, spending lots of time being in the present moment, doing some visual art therapy, working with your dreams – there are many examples of what you could try in this space.
Here are some questions to get you started:
What happened in the beginning of the relationship? What were the red, orange and green flags? These flags I am referring to are: 1. Red - things presenting in the other person you felt quite worried about 2.Orange - things that were only slightly concerning and you weren’t really sure whether it was going to be a problem or not. 3. Green - things that you were really happy about and you wanted in a relationship.
When did things start to get challenging? How did it end? How did you feel about it at the time? How about now? What did you want to say to them and what would you have loved to hear? You can imagine yourself in a really challenging time and imagine sending yourself so much love at that time.
There’s something very powerful about re-visiting our former selves and giving ourselves the love and support we wish we ‘d had at that time. There’s an energetic transference in that, and a deep healing. (This connects to the work I do with people using a modality called Matrix Reimprinting – which is a form of EFT or Emotional Freedom Technique Tapping, but supercharged. It’s around turning beliefs around and really sending love to former aspects of ourselves that had difficult experiences. But diving deeply into MR is a talk for another day).
3. Supported exploration, healing, inner work, counselling and therapy.
This is where we reach out and get support from outside ourselves. I’m a great proponent for trying different modalities until you find one that works for you. No matter what modality or supportive provider you decide on – make sure you find someone that you really resonate and feel comfortable with. I myself am a multi passion and a very eclectic person so I love to mix it up and try many things.
Throughout my adult life I have absolutely found modalities, therapists and healers that helped me completely shift my energy, thoughts and beliefs so much that I made completely different choices and chose a different reality. This is nothing to sneeze at! It’s very profound and potent.
A friend of mine, when I told her how passionate I am about inner work and trying different things, said to me, “do you want to be in therapy for ever?” I laughed and said yes, most definitely. But by therapy I don’t mean trying to heal something broken, I mean being excited and curious about what goes on in my life, my energy, spirit and my mind. I feel that if I didn’t need exploration any more I would simply float off into another dimension as I wouldn’t need a physical body at all! lol
I have a list of modalities that I recommend people explore which can help transform and heal in a very deep way. If you’d like to get this list from me please email me at Shannon@welcomelastinglove.com and say in the email that you would like the inner work list and I can get it to you.
Today we’ve covered three essential steps towards getting closure from past relationships – even if the person in question is not in front of you or interested in any form of communication. Head here to my website and scroll down the homepage you will find a heading called ‘How to Release your Ex’. I recommend putting your details into the fields and getting that free resource. https://www.welcomelastinglove.com/
In the meantime, celebrate you, get that sense of closure and go out into the world to let your love-light shine!